
Dear son..
God only knows how much I longed to be a mother, even before I could think about being married and even finishing school, I KNEW I wanted YOU.. I KNEW that YOU where coming to my life... I KNEW I was going to be the mother of a beautiful boy and I knew that I would love that boy with all of my heart. And here you are little one.. three years later, and I look at you in awe, in amazement, in true adoration because you're just PERFECT. You're exactly what I dreamed of having and you became the true love of my life.
Your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen before, I truly believe that when God thought about Joy, he had your one dimpled smile in mind.. and He gave me YOU.. and for that I'm forever grateful to the Almighty for showing me above all things, the Joy of life.
There's so many things I love about you my Gumster boy... I have that feeling imprinted on my skin, that first time I held you, slippery and the warmth of your skin took me by surprise.. A second before you were inside of me and then I met you, in that moment, you made me a mother.. I felt your tiny body beating in my arms and I was mesmerized holding the miracle of your life between my hands.
I remember one of the first things I noticed of you was your right cheek dimple.. as you screamed on my chest I saw it.. I examined you carefully, in awe of what your daddy and I had created.. I saw your tiny little chest that held a heart that would forever be stringed to mine, and that one day may fall inlove, may get hurt, may love again, and I prayed for wisdom to nurture that heart and for strength to care for you when your heart would ache.
I remember your long skinny legs that, still skinny, in your 3 short years have wabbled, walked, jumped, run so much, and that have a long road ahead of them.
I touched your long fingers, the same fingers you use to point to things all the time. The same you love to tickle yourself and tickle me with, the same fingers that you sucked so furiously when hungry and that can grab so much dirt and get super sticky but give the sweetest pats in the back.
I loved your bald head and kissed it once and a million more times more after that. I wondered about all the fantastic ideas, innovative inventions and novelty thoughts that'll come out from it, and loved to see it grow so much hair and turn into a crazy maze of soft honey curls which I still dread to cut.
I counted the wrinkles on your knees and elbows, and learned to kiss them after that first fall and the many other falls that followed when you discovered the joy of walking and mastered the fine art of running.
I smelled and kissed your beautiful feet, the same feet that we played "P-uuuuuuuh" with when you first learned to laugh and chuckle and that today, stinky and sweaty, leave little footprints around the house..
Your nose I kissed as I have kissed it every day and I waited patiently for you to open your eyes and see that sparkle of life in you and take a glance into your soul, and there, I saw it, I connected with it.. I felt it pure, innocent and bowed to nurture it and keep it safe and strong.
Loving every little crease and wrinkle of you was very easy, and staring at you while you slept became my midnight routine because in my eyes, you are truly perfect... Parenting you has been a challenge not because of you, remember, you're perfect, but because your very rookie mother is often times not sure how to do what's right for you, and I've had to learn how to be flexible and accept you're doing fine, even if the books say you're behind on talking or eating, you have your own schedule, your own timings, and you've done everything right by your own little standards. You've taught me tolerance, patience and flexibility. And we both try every day and we learn to communicate and negotiate in a loving way.
You just started pre-school and you love it.. You come home every day with a new song, or a new phrase you picked up from your teachers...
You love your letters.. and, actually, you're a bit obsessed with them.. You spell every banner or sign you see.. we play "I Spy" and you love finding letters everywhere.. Your favorite is W.. and recently you learned to write it, and we have W's in the back of the sofa, in many pages of your favorite books, written in chalk on the patio, and even in your clothes if I look away while you hold a pen. You've loved balls all your life, and your daddy and I think you'll be a great soccer player.. but above all, we know you will be great at anything you want to be great at and we'll support you in every way.
My wish for you is that on whatever you do, whether it is playing alone on the playground, watching "Tom and Jerry", splashing green paint over your easel, following a frisbee in the park or browsing your favorite book once or a million times... in anything be happy.
I want to teach you to say how you feel, say "I love you" without fear of becoming vulnerable, but watch your words and use kindness in every word you say. Speak up for yourself and against any injustice, but learn when it's better to just listen attentively or keep silent.
I want you to follow your dreams and not feel you have to comply to what the majority is doing, have no fear to be different, be proud of who you are, knowing that I will always be proud of you.
Love your heritage, remember where you are coming from, learn about Colombia and the Dominican Republic, dance our music, enjoy our food, love our language, speak it with pride, and have interest in other cultures and backgrounds, because curry, samba, turbants, etc. will add richness to your life, and the color of skin, religion or accent should never get in the way of you and your best friend. I want you to travel the world, learn about other cultures and make friends wherever you go.
I promise I'll continue to read to you every day, and I hope your love of books follows on throughout your life and you'll find great treasure immersing yourself in the art of the written word, enjoy a thousand tales of adventures, life, science, discoveries, knowledge and love.
I want you to look at nature with respect, appreciation and gratitude, and I bow to learn and teach you how to take better care of our Earth, for I want a healthy planet for you to roam happy in. Love every living thing in this planet, from our crazy dog Nelly, to the lemon tree in the backyard, to the majestic ocean that you fear now, but that I hope you learn to love soon.
I hope your smiles are many and your tears are few.. As a mother, I want nothing but happiness for you, but I also know I can't shelter you forever from pain and heartache, so dear child, if it ever hurts, I want you to cry when you need to and for as long as you need to, because tears and sadness are not a sign of weakness, but stepstones for growth and strength.
I'm afraid to look away because I fear I'll find you 6ft tall (well, maybe 5'7") taking a date for the prom, waving away to college, falling inlove or welcoming your first child... But.. I have to focus on NOW and TODAY.. now I stare at your sweet curls and teach you to hold the crayon the right way.. the last three years went so very fast and even though you'll forever be my baby, you've grown to become a little boy now.. and before I know it.. dear son, you'll turn into a man.
I look at you today, happy, healthy, smart and sweet and my chest swells with pride for you my sweet child are the best thing I've ever received and the one thing that gives worth and meaning to all in my life.
I love you,
Mama